As we approach Christmas, rather than my usual blog, I have invited Life Therapist Laura Larkin to share her thoughts on recent world events and to shine some light on human reactions to them. Laura and I have been friends for many years when we both lived in Athens, Greece and we are lucky to have reconnected now that we’re both back in London.
Well, a lot has happened this year, not least the terrible Paris attacks which profoundly changed the climate here in Europe, creating an atmosphere of fear and bewilderment.
Part of my work is about helping people make sense of life’s design and the things that happen to them, but, like 9/11, it was difficult to put this event in the context of humanity as both the violence and the randomness made a complete nonsense of any moral compass, leaving us feeling, to quote D.H. Lawrence, ‘like a great uprooted tree with its roots in the air”
Of course, it is that very randomness which so disorientates us as it threatens our most primeval needs of survival and safety, bringing us face to face with the realisation that, no matter how civilised we think we are, no matter how much we try to control events and predict outcomes, ultimately, we are completely at the mercy of life and death.
Confronted with our own mortality, we cover our anxiety by trying to get back some semblance of control and we do what mankind has done since time immemorial – we protect ourselves by going into fight, flight or submission. We relieve our impotence by looking for someone to blame and we become suspicious and distant from each other.
The creation of this separateness is, I think, the true victory of any extremist action: with all the conflict and distrust between us we either fight or become paralysed with indecision. Indeed, we saw all those reactions played out during the debates over the air strikes over Syria.
But I want to go back to the moment before our defence mechanisms kicked in: I noticed, that once everyone was assured that they were physically out of danger, that weekend immediately following the attacks in Paris, people did not react in fear and anger; instead, the whole world turned itself red, white and blue as a show of unity and support. In the shock of the moment people didn’t go into their default defended selves; instead, through compassion and care, they showed how truly connected they felt to the people of Paris and in the end the only thing that counts, the only truth is a sense of connection for if we don’t have that, what do we have?
And what’s this got to do with Christmas and the holiday season, you may ask?
Well, this is the time of year, isn’t it, when we make huge efforts to come together and reconnect so all that present-buying and cooking, all that attention given to organizing and arranging is the way we show our love. And maybe one of the reasons it all gets so stressful is that despite all our efforts we are still not getting that sense of being loved, of joyfulness. I remember, years ago, in my own family, the children tearing off all the wrappings, opening all the presents but it was all frantic like they were looking for something else. I didn’t realise it then but maybe following the anticipation and build up to Christmas, each present, while desirable in itself, did not actually match the heightened level of expectation; maybe they were looking for some deeper emotional connection.
So instead of creating division amongst us, maybe the Paris attacks could unite us in care and love. I can’t tell you how many people have told me that, this year, they don’t feel right celebrating in the usual way; they have already worked out that they want something more meaningful and sustaining.
But how to get it? Well, what if you knew this was going to be your very last Christmas? Pause a moment and ask yourself what you would do differently? What would your priorities be? If this were the very last chance you got to show all the love and emotional care you feel towards your family, your children and your friends could you give them what they really want: your time, your attention and a look of love in your eyes? What if all they want for Christmas is you?!
Laura Larkin is a life therapist and mentor to people looking to add a dimension of meaning and purpose to their lives. Using her twenty years experience of working with people, she offers a unique blend of psychotherapy and teaching to give you the confidence you need to shift your mindset as well as the practical skills you need to live a 3D life! Contact her if you would like to know more about her programmes: BECOMING 3D for individuals; 3D-RELATING for couples and 3D-PARENTING for families. Live a different life!
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